Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for turning my tap water into alcohol and a never ending food basket, but I’m tired of all these people whining and telling me how to live my life. You do your thing, I do my thing, we’re all happy, but after reading that someone is paying Facebook to post a religious article titled “6 Reasons You Have To Believe In God”, I figured I’d grab my own cross and at least have fun while getting ready to be crucified for having an opinion.
The argument that because complex life exists, it must have been “created” is ridiculous, and it’s time someone said it. Yay, we have lots of chromosomes, we can see in color and keep erections for 4+ hours (commercials say see a doctor, I’d rather see a sorority house), but explaining away the unexplainable with magical explanations is as real as the emails I get from the prime minister of Nigeria who wants to send me $4 million dollars via a cashiers check.
1. “Earth is the perfect environment, it had to have been made for us”
Nai-eve. Get real. I point you to Arachaea, aka Archaebacteria and Extremophiles. These miraculous organisms live in ridiculously extreme climates. Climates much like that of, I don’t know, other planets perhaps? The point is, different kinds of life require different things. Ours needs water, oxygen and beer. Anyway, as far as we know, in the 9 planets (fuck you, Pluto still counts) we have in our Solar System, we’re the only ones with real sentient life, so I guess that means we’re the only ones right? Oh wait, I forgot about the BILLIONS+ of other planets and solar systems in other galaxies and what not that we haven’t been to or seen up close. So we’re here, great, that’s awesome, but if it were so damn perfect, Canada would be part of the United States, it wouldn’t be so damn cold here in the winter, and Yellow Stone would shoot up Budweiser. Hey, a guy can dream right?
2. Free Will - Contradicting a Contradiction
God “gives” us “Free Will” so that we can choose which path to follow. He knows what we’re going to do, but he’s “giving” us the choice to, uhm, choose what he already knows we’re going to do? To put it simply, if God can know 100% without a doubt you’re going to do it, it’s set in stone, you can’t change it, you’re just fulfilling destiny or a “plan” laid out by someone else. Either he gives us free will to do what we want (in which case there are many different paths and there is no way to KNOW which one we’ll do), or it’s all an illusion and you’ve got a puppet string coming out of your ass.
3. Hillary Clinton is leading the polls
If there is a God, and he does love us, then this would never have happened. Every time I realize my calendar doesn’t say April, I wonder if there is a God and he has a sick sense of humor, but then it would have to be a really, really sick sense of humor.
4. Evolution
I don’t actually think that evolution disproves creationism, actually if there was an “intelligent designer” this would have been an “intelligent design” to build in. It’s nature’s undo button once you figure out that giving tigers the ability to fly just wasn’t the best idea out on the market. But since the church feels that evolution cannot co-exist with creationism, point me.
5. Intelligent Designs lack of a designer
Aren’t we smart, we are truly awesome. Don’t misunderstand me, I love walking on two legs and peeing standing up, but telling me that we have to be created by a magical being just because we exist, begs questioning.
Logic dictates that if (a) we are here so we must have come from somewhere, i.e. a “designer” who is more complex and intelligent than us, then (b) a complex and intelligent designer, would also have to have come from somewhere i.e. a “designer” who is even more complex and intelligent.
If the reasoning for a God is we’re here, then where did he come from? My favorite famous lines are “he always was” and “no one knows”. Shave the wool off your back and follow the herd if you believe that. If someone HAD to have created us, they would have HAD to have been created. If our creator could have ALWAYS been or just magically appeared, then so could we have.
We can’t just assert that God is mightier and he just magically came to be, if that’s the logic, I say someone still had to find him in the bottom of a cereal box, it’s a paradox.
6. Ron Paul is behind in the polls
“Congressman Ron Paul (R-Texas) is the leading advocate for freedom in our nation’s capital.” He’s advocating for FREEDOM, come on, how can you not love freedom. He wants to legalize pot and I’ve seen him kiss at least 6 babies in the past week. He wants to get rid of the IRS, imagine a world without angry letters from those bastards! If God existed, Ron Paul wouldn’t be just President, he would have been made Co-God back in the 60s.
7. Pot is illegal but Alcohol is A-Okay
Alcohol, the leading cause of drunk driving, and as such the leading cause of alcohol-related deaths, is totally cool for me to drive down to the liquor store to pick up and binge drink on. On the flip side, lighting up a joint and scarfing down a large pizza or two will get you boned hard. If God was around, he’d rather I eat a bag of Doritos and pass out than get drunk, beat my wife and piss on the couch. The worst that can happen with pot is smoking yourself stupid and passing out, but alcohol makes people angry. Hulk mad. If only there were a God… and then Ron Paul would set the record straight.
8. Bad things happen to good people, great things happen to bad people
For a society that constantly gets the short end of the stick when it comes to miracles, I’ve never fully understood how people can whipe away such an obvious shortcoming with one or two hail marys. If we’re God’s children, how come Bin Laden hasn’t been bent over his knee and beat with a wooden spoon yet? Why the hell are people stopping to help stalled motorists and getting raped murdered, and why is it that every time a girl scout makes it to my door she’s out of thin mints? I’m sick of it. Shortbread cookies suck, they do. There, I said it. Aside from such atrocities, every single day bad people get rewarded, while good people are getting creamed on the side of the road by drunk drivers. Give credit where credit is due, if you’re an asshole, you should have karma spitting in your face, and if you’re a good-looking, stand-up guy who wants some damn thin mints, you should get some damn thin mints.
9. Blind Faith
If we’re supposed to believe in a God, and he wants us to believe in him, and the only way for eternal salvation is to believe, then why can’t he take 30 seconds to hop off his throne made of golden baby carcasses and pop in and have coffee with me tomorrow? Starbucks, 10:30, I’ll buy. If it’s such a big deal to believe, why is it not such a big deal to give a reason to believe in?
10. The proof is in dying
Ever notice how religions promise us stuff that cannot be instantly proven? One of the biggest promises is heaven after we die or in Islam they promise 72 virgins. That has got to be the lowest thing.. promising pussy in the after life for accepting their religion.
The biggest logical fallacy is that a religion can offer us millions and millions of years of heaven for accepting their beliefs for just 100 years max? What is the ratio there there, how can accepting something for 100 years or so get you something for millions of years (or eternity) to come. When something looks too good to be true, it probably is.
Conclusion
I don’t want you to change your views for me, hell I don’t care if you DO believe that Jesus is magic and my house was struck by lightning and swiftly burnt to the ground right after posting this. It’s your life, do what you want, but don’t sit back and take everything you’re told with a spoonful of sugar and a blindfold, that’s for republicans.
About the Author: David enjoys long walks on the beach, casual strolls down the boulevard and writing long and drawn out posts in his underwear in the wee hours of the morning.
Logic can’t lure a dog away from a warm stove. — Hegel
Well said, David. I will send you one of those little battery-powered handheld fans so your stay in hell will be more pleasant.
Hi liked your thoughts we have alot of similiar ideas look me up
see you around Later Thanks
Heheh… Yes, Ron Paul trailing in polls and Hillary leading definately seems to point to either a god that doesn’t exist, or one that doesn’t care too much about us
Nice article! 
Great List, I love it.
I’m gonna bookmark this
I’m not sure where the logic comes in. You also don’t have much grasp of religion and to be frank all you’ve done is full the article with candy floss. Where’s the logic of including Hillary Clinton, Ron Paul and pot. Ah oh says evolution and creationism are mutually exclusive? I think you need to do more reseach.
Ron Paul also doesn’t subscribe to the theory evolution. I don’t understand what everybody sees in this guy: he’s a crackpot.
For every question you pose above, there is an answer. God can be proven by man’s logic.
If anyone feels the need for a few extra things to believe today try these out:
1. Squirrels are messengers from god.
2. Infinity is blue.
3. Ice cream make machines work better, so spoon it on in!
———
‘throne made of golden baby carcasses’
lolz
your blog sucks
…that Western Christianity has destroyed the concept of religion and a god for you. I agree in totallity with your arguments here. They are all fairly ridiculous. That is because the corporate christianity practiced (mostly in the US) is ridiculous. I hope one day you can overcome this negative experience and come to a deeper knowledge of yourself and your place in the universe.
Well said sir!
Great job. It pisses me off to see a society that won’t believe that the lochness monster is real but some magic dude created everything….in just a week mind you. Oh and don’t get me started on that fact that folks used to live 700 years and then GOD made an adjustment so that we only live around 100 years. This all came at a time before the Gregorian calendar….anyway…I enjoyed this.
1. earth was made for anything that can sustain life here, so yes it was made for us TOO. it was also made for the dinosaurs.
2. there are infinite paths you take but assuming there was a God who transcended time and space, s/he would already know what path you took. just because the author doesnt comprehend doesn’t mean a greater being can’t.
3. sometimes bad things happen, but they can always lead to a greater good. just because bad things happen to good people doesnt mean there is no God, it just means that this is kind of a free for all world and many times when bad things happen, good things come out of it. just because you cant see the bigger picture and are only thinking of what’s going on now, doesn’t mean there isn’t a larger plan at work here.
why do you think star trek has the prime directive on time travel? whenever they go back in time and save someone they aren’t supposed to, it screws up the future. or like in xmen when cable let wolverine get apocalypse’s plague, sure wolverine got sick but it saved millions.
4. science is an ever changing theory. im christian and understand how we evolve and accept it but you also have to understand that nothing can be proven or disproven. evolution is a theory but you atheists are turning it into your own religion, go watch the south park where cartman wants a wii.
5. meh
6. ron paul is losing because the neocons tookover digg and our country is already under the control of a liberal businessman named bush and the main voting bloc in this country are ignorant STUPID evangelicals who are easy to dupe and do whatever sean hannity tells them. bush tricked them and im not surprised. they are too stupid to vote for ron paul as well.
7. wtf does that have to do with religion? i see the hypocrisy/danger of organized religion as well but there is nothing wrong with personal religion. there are also dangers in having no faith and hypocrites in any group.
8. see #3
9. aospdjapokaopsd
10. true. religion has also been used to ensure patriarchy, which also sucks.
Amen
God’s been meeting me at starbuck’s on sundays for years now. why me? why starbucks? why does he always order tea and never pay? obviously, he’s a mysterious motherfucker.
I forgot to mention that it is clearly untrue that in a perfect world Canada would be part of the US. It is more likely that in this perfect world Canada and the US would both be part of Iceland….
Dude I have to say that you completely show (with little bias) some of the many faults that people see in religion!!! kudos to you and I will be on your site more often now cause YOU KICK ASS!!!
I am not an atheist, but I like to think of myself as a man of logic. Your logic is interesting, and I throughly enjoyed your post. I also am glad to see you are supporting Ron Paul, he doesn’t have a chance, but I wish for the sake of our country he did.
so is this about religion in general or the Christian God?
It’s clear you’re set in your ways and that you will not be dissuaded. But I’ll tell you something, you bring up points about religion that not even religious people can (or should) try to explain. Does God exist? Is there an afterlife? You won’t know until you die. Religion merely gives people an idea for those answers and a hope that there’s more to this life than *this*.
Religion inevitably requires faith. If God proved Himself to you, then it wouldn’t require faith.
You forgot to bring up the whole, “Sometimes it’s more important to understand the moral of the story, than to believe the events literally happened as told.” argument against religions and their holy texts.
Some of the most logical people the world has ever grown love God, friend.
i disagree with #2… i bet that our of the people you know, that you could predict what most of them will do in a certain situation.. That doesn’t mean that you set it in their destiny, just that you know what choice they will make.
with their own free will.
People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I’m o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you’re not happy now you no longer play the game
People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I’m doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind
I tell them there’s no hurry
I’m just sitting here doing time
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
Sarcastically delicious! I like how you tied the ‘08 presidential race into the argument.
Im all for your article, but isnt Ron Paul a republican?
that was fucking awesome!
the RP arguments are really lame. Trying to spam us with propaganda under the pretence of a funny 10 to go list.
Go F yourself. I’m happy the nutter has lost.
Nice article - welcome to reality too
Accepting that you really don’t believe in superstitious mumbo jumbo or ‘religion’ is mighty liberating - also makes you make the most of the one life you really have1
You are basing your article on Christianity and Islam. What about what other religions believe in?
Search up Sikhism.
I LIKE IT!
This is one of the web’s most interesting stories on Mon 21st Jan 2008
These are the web’s most talked about URLs on Mon 21st Jan 2008. The current winner is ..
Thin mints are awesome. I’d still go to church if they served those at communion instead of fake bread.
Great post, though. I agree with 99.99% of what you said.
lols all these reaons are shallow and superficial. you dont need cynism to make a point - anyone that does, doesnt know what they’re talking about.
Ron Paul would see those mislead idiots in the church rule our country, even if Pot was legal and the IRS didn’t exist. I’d rather see Jesus president than a new pope.
That’s hilarious. I _was_ agnostic, but now I’m converting to Islam!
what really struck me when you sunk your self to a level that you can say (promising pussy in the after life for accepting their religion)
don’t forget there is two situations that you will be in: in hell or in heaven
its not all about getting to heaven its about getting out of hell.
Well written
Hey, when “scott” sends you one of those fans, pass along his address to me will you?
I wanna mail him a paint-shaker so he can give his head a fuckin shake.
Thanks,
Kevin
Amen, brother!
o_o If I were gay, I’d track you down and marry you. Oh, I’m sorry, we’d have a civil…thingy. <_< *No gay marriage *Cough** Uhm, yeah. I completely agree. The funniest thing about these believers is, they aren’t credible. They can’t back up what they say.
“Oh, it’s true….he exists. Why?….Because the fairies told me so! That’s why it’s true. ” (Exageration), for you drooling morons put there…you know who you are.
This is the best one I’ve heard yet
“Because I’ve heard him speak to me. I’ve heard his voice…” (A priest said this to me once)
And scott, for that very, very negative comment, how about you just saw through your skull, take out that nice, loving piece of brain flesh, and give it to the pound where they’ll find a home for it where it won’t be neglected and abused! You bible-hugging freak. x.x
Fantastic - well written and funny
“Alcohol is the leading cause of drunk driving”
hahahahahahaha well no shit. It’s the ONLY cause.
AMEN!
hehh i belive in god and all but what you said is pretty logical and some what true.
Kudos =)
Man, I’ve been saying this exact thing. I mean I don’t force my beliefs on people. Why do they think it’s cool to force theirs on me?
Hmmm, well, although i can totally sypathise with most of this it mostly comes down to personal expirience. Personally i can’t say i don’t believe. However, there are always things that challenge me. Of course, it’d probably help if i read the bible, right? Well, atleast i know no one else is perfect…
Totally agree bro.
Do people really believe that Christians do not question? For me, its the best model for the problem. As in all things, though, everyone needs to have their own opinion and others should respect it. Discourse and debate should always be allowed, however.
I personally study, read and question everything I can wrap my little brain around. There are times I seriously doubted the existence of a God. I have read extremists on both sides. They’re all crazy, to some extent. I am too.
Now…you’ve got a real point about religions’ focus on death. Christians should reevaluate what Jesus spoke about. How frequently does he talk about life after death as compared to how to live while you’re alive? I’d say for every 1 mention of life after death there are more than 10 suggestions on how to live with justice, compassion and love. You don’t meet many “Christians” who actually are just, compassionate and loving, however.
I am a staunch atheist as well. Very well put and humorous. I can’t stand the sorts of theocrats in which speak of, especially the catholics. Nice article.
I pity you. I am a born again Christian, take quite offense to this article. What you don’t know will definately hurt you eternally. I will pray for you that you may finally see the light.
If you’re going use the point of “something had to have created God for him to exist”, then I ask you: how did all the matter in the universe come to be here?
I’m not saying you’re not entitled to your own beliefs, but I know that whenever I pray, I get an answer.
You rock. Very nice!
Your posts seem like you’re very angry. I’m sorry the way you feel. A lot of your posts seems to deal with things you don’t have a full comprehension to. I know I don’t but from what I read, it just seems like you’re an angry person. I truly am sorry the way you feel about religion. I do hope one day you can come to it with an open mind and see that Jesus and God is real. Accepting IS one of THE hardest things to do for a human being; as they’re very prone to doing things on their own(including people who believe in God and Jesus).It’s a struggle we all live by but I do have two questions to ask, 1. Why do we live? 2. What happens when we die?
Do me a favor David, If you kick the bucket before me and find yourself burning in hell, save me a seat by the window.
The greatest irony of hell is that if it turns out that it’s not real, then the people who are ruining all of our fun trying to save us from it deserve to burn in it.
Using reason to justify your belief of logic is like a religious person using faith to justify their belief. The only people you are speaking too are those that already believe reason over faith for a religious perspective.
Enjoyed reading this. One thing though: Forget Ron Paul. Kucinich has the right ideas.
You’re not maddox.
I love you. In a manly way. Not the manly way described in Leviticus which demands others try and give you the worst headache of the rest of your life. Rather, in the sort of way that I would ask you to father my children were I damned (as most religions see being female) to carrying — rather than implanting — the seeds of future destruction. Which I’m not. But if I were, I’d ask you to do the deed.
get a digg button bro more ppl will visit the site
um, about number 2, free will, that is not a contradiction. Let me ask you a question. Has God ever forced you to do something? Like you have two Popsicles but you are forced to take the cherry? No, that doesn’t happen. God knew you were going to take the cherry, but you still were able to choose it willingly. This equals free will, the ability to choose our path, whether or not God knows it is unimportant.
i think we are all tired of religion telling us what to believe and how to live our lives. But do not associate religion with God or Jesus. Jesus didn’t create a religion, a religion created itself. You did touch on a crucial point in the creation of a designer and honestly, the greatest answer is that with an omnipotent God, as it is believed, because time does not control him, he does not have to be created as he has always existed. If time does not exist, then there is no beginning or end, or even really no middle. “A thousand years human years is a second to God and a thousand years to humans is a second to God” explains this paradox. I’m not trying to convince you, just playing devil’s advocate. thats what keeps the debates going. lol. Bad things happen to good people, because good people don’t need the help. Bad people need the help. Thats why they are cut slack, not cuz they’re bad, but because they need it more. Death is impossible to predict and sure, everything could just be shot to pieces when I lose my last breath, or it could be totally opposite of that. Thats the gamble of human life. Are we inside another world, just as a bee hive is inside ours? Or are we the furthest world that exists in the universe? As human life exists, it will exist to question. We don’t know where we came from, we don’t know where we go. What we do know is that we exists now and tomorrow, we may not wake up. And I would rather live a decent life, follow a Jesus that either was a liar, a lunatic, or Lord, and if its all a lie, then what have I lost (I know its the religion logic box, but it still applies)? Free will is interesting, because as a human I can choose to do whatever I want, and it is already known by God, but that doesn’t mean that I succumb to that idea, that nothing can change. Because, we as humans do not know what is forced upon us. In the end, God sits at point A and point B and the middle in-advertently leads us to point B, but the path is what is different. Point A could be birth and Point B could be death or A = my finger hitting a key and B = the paragraph i’ve created. We have no idea, so in theory, we have free will, we just don’t know how much we have.
” But since the church feels that evolution cannot co-exist with creationism”
Someone is not familiar with the views of the largest Christian church body. The Vatican opened up to evolution a long time ago.
I like the way this is written, except for the political parts. That’s just your opinion.
The first one is the best in my opinion. Simply because we’re here doesn’t mean the conditions were set for us. The conditions occurred and as a result, we followed.
Did God create man or did man create God?
Also, Scott, if Hell is eternal infinite suffering, how can a fan make it better? You can’t lessen infinite. Go read something other than the bible.
I’m pretty sure Budweiser is Republican fuel but I’ll let it slide.
I can’t believe this made it to Digg’s front page! Weak arguments against the existence of God from a Ron Paul fanboy. Don’t get me wrong, I disbelieve in God more than anyone I know, but these arguments could be used as straw men for any run of the mill Christian apologist to show how intellectually shallow atheism is. Read Hume’s Dialogues and leave this article buried…
You know the religious nutbags are gonna be all over this one.
Ron Paul is a nutbag too though. Hillary or Obama will be much better than he could.
Too true, and too sad that some people believe these things. Another post that need news coverage.
ok, so i think as an author you are missing a few things. let me go through the list one by one.
1. “Earth is the perfect environment, it had to have been made for us”
I think you may have attended one too many services without actually reading Genesis, the Bible tells a much less strict interpretation of the universe that most pastors preach. I would also challenge you to read it in several different translations so that you can see what varies or is in question between translations, since reading it in Greek or Hebrew may be more difficult for anyone not in that native tongue.
2. Free Will - Contradicting a Contradiction
In code, a programmer might know what a program does, in fact from time to time, they might even be the direct cause of how the code actually executes, but I would stand to argue that there are an infinite number of paths that are possible, even if random chaos is not. I think God is able to know like a programmer does, what a soul’s choice potential is, but it is up to us, the finite to make a choice to. I have started a debate recently just on this topic, and how someone that is infinite, all knowing, all powerful, and all good, may not have much of a choice to do the wrong thing. Our finite ability might be what separates us from being a god, but it also gives us the potential to experience, to grow and to make decisions when all of the information is not present. I tend to think its hard to choose when you exist without change. God seems to me more like a force or will, than a finite being.
3. Hillary Clinton is leading the polls
There is a Satan too.
4. Evolution
Not all Christians believe that Evolution is separate from Creationism. I actually think that when the Church says this is the case, its like choosing a president base on abortion rights rather than something important like How we plan to interact with the rest of the world, or with each other. There is no need to draw a line in the sand on something so non trivial, and equivocally gray on both sides. Humanity has neither observed the creation of life, nor have we seen the transition of one species from one to the next. I have never met a Christian that denies micro evolution, but the debate is just now starting to uncover clues to how macro evolution can actually be tested as part of the scientific process. I think both sides are too quick to ignore, reject, and disrespect each other. These people need to start acting like mature adults and discuss the real question, how did we get here, not why. Why is not a questions of science, and how is not a question of religion. These two sides need to see that we each have our separate purposes.
5. Intelligent Designs lack of a designer
Asserting fossil records as proof is as brilliant as saying that complex systems demand a designer. I know from experience that computational systems can use evolutionary or genetic algorithms to solve problems, heck most of the time they do it hundreds of times faster than iterating through all possible combinations. Heck just look at start ups. Out of every one thousand start ups, one might try to raise VC or angel money, and only 1 in 10 of those might succeed. Trial and Error is still today the fastest way to learn something new. No amount of planing will replace the dumb luck of success, and I would think that an infinite being with all of the time in the universe would be patient enough to find the most elegant solution, and evolution is pretty damn elegant, now if only we had a complete observable account.
6. Ron Paul is behind in the polls
Satan is again a plausible option. Its so much easier to pull off the book of Revolutions if we could only get that One World Government to just work already. Let’s tag everyone and give them no option to move to a political climate that suits their political opinions. One world, one government, one accepted world view, no wonder the Bible predicted that when this happens people will get really violent really fast. Can’t we all just agree that we need to let politics evolve?
7. Pot is illegal but Alcohol is A-Okay
On that note, lets add nudism, washing of hands, cigarettes, sex before marriage, marriage, driving, flying, swimming, and living. I hear that living is the most fatal of all activities. At some point, politics have to be based on what the majority wants, and until that happens with pot, i do not see it being legal. The reason i think it has yet to be legalized is that most American’s do not like pot. I think at this point its something that most of us have tried, and were like ehh, not worth it. If pot was that good, it would be legal.
8. Bad things happen to good people, great things happen to bad people
Its pretty hard to have free will, if everyone has to behave. Plus, i think that evolution thing needs, hmm, catastrophes to work. If the world was perfect, then there would be no momentum to change.
9. Blind Faith
Blind faith is actually a highly successful trait, how else do you think leaders lead? Leadership is knowing what needs to happen, and then doing it. Faith is a core requirement of creating change, whether that is positive or negative change. Faith is the core component to the scientific process. How do you create a hypothesis without having some faith that something might be true? Rational thought, and faith are intertwined. Think about it, it just might be that one of the challenges in AI is to create a basis for Faith. I highly recommend studying epistemology (the study of knowing truth) to see why skepticism generates no new knowledge, ever.
10. The proof is in dying
this is probably the best rhetorical argument yet, i mean, haven’t you won an ipod or found lasting love yet? so many claim it’s possible, but so many more fail. i am no big believer in heaven being the reason to be a Christian. In fact i think its the biggest bunch of spam that the Church puts out. Its kinda like actually ensuring that you win one of those ipods by signing up to the 17 magazines and the two refinanced mortgage offers. I think the real point of Christianity is not about heaven, but about the rewards on Earth that living a good life can bring you. Christianity teaches a number of principals that make life more enjoyable, like empathy, patience, compassion, community, and respect. I think these qualities are also taught in other religions, and I think that it is the act of faith that makes it possible to open up how one sees the world and is able to cherish opportunity when it is presented. The Bible is about a lot of things, but its only a small portion of the actual text. Most of it, is a set of examples on how someone was able to step back and see the larger community and purpose in their life.
You poor soul. Everyone is invited to the party upstairs, but so many souls choose to perish. I believe in God as Creator, that He has always been, and that evolution is part of His Design.
You do make some great points, however. Along with pot, make heroin legal (and very cheap, so users don’t need to steal my Hi-Def. I sure coulda used heroin during and after knee surgery, and burn victims would love its legal availability. Rid the earth of alcohol and cocaine, both which can surely make people nasty.(and Rush Limbaugh too, tho he’d prolly like the heroin thing)
Biggest point: Read Book 1 of the Hebrew (Old) Testament, on Genesis. That’s a REALLY BIG CLUE (apologies to Ed Sullivan). If we, as humans, couldn’t make it in Eden, we SURE AS HELL ain’t gonna make it here on Earth! What causes this? FREE WILL!
I agree with you scott. David is probably going to hell and is going to be raped by this guy…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
while you were kinda weird in some of it, I hear you and agree for the most part.
i like to think there is a higher being, but religious people have got to be among the dumbest and blindest beings in the universe.
religion was created by idiots of old for bad reasons, and it happened to stick, because it is natural for humans to question their existance, they take comfort in believing, but why believe such obvious crap
Have to say awesome read, interesting point of view. Now lets see the Religious people prove you right by making all sorts of hate comments, burn in hell comments etc. O joy can’t wait to hear from them and their almost nazi type speech “Do you believe in what I believe…no? then you are going to burn in hell” ha ha ah
I just want to say one thing; I don’t care if my neighbour worships Satan, I mean come on, who’d throw better parties, lets face it. Anywayz, the one thing I want to say is that, my neighbour regardless of faith, can do what he wants. I’m agnostic, so I really don’t have a preference, believe as you please. What bothers me is that its NOT ok for my neighbour to have a believe that I (as his neighbour, countryman and fellow human being) do not share with him. Why?
Crap..!! Wasted my last two minutes reading this shit and writing this comment…
Pretty good. I think I’m getting to the point in my life where I don’t care to debate it anymore. I’ve never believed in God. Even with all those years in Catholic school. It just didn’t makes sense to me and it still doesn’t. I don’t want to hate people for no reason or deny myself of my very basic instinct, locic.
worst… list… ever
Well, you’re shot. All of your arguments against “religion” (except for the retarded ones like pot and ron paul) are invalid when compared to several belief systems that I have encountered (Mormonism being one of them). Therefore, this should be “Top Ten Reasons to Believe Reason Over (insert denomination here)” and not religion in general.
Very nicely said. Well done.
The idea of pussy in heaven was hilarious.
Write some more.
Thank “god” someone said it. I went to Catholic school for 13 years and when people ask why I am no longer religious, I tell them it is because I went to Catholic school for 13 years. Maybe I was smarter then the average sheep, but something seemed amiss when in history class we would learn about how ancient cultures made up gods to explain things they didn’t understand. Then the bell rings and you go to religion class and ask that teacher about it and get, “well all the others did it that way but ours is the real thing.” Kinda like the girl that says “all the other guys got herpes but I promise you won’t”.
If you have the time you should read two books “Repenting of religion” and “is god to blame” by Greg Boyd, helps clear up some confusion. Scott- thanks for judging which god told us not to do. we need to love our neighbor(no exemption for unbelievers) as our selves which Jesus said was the greatist commandment. I personally don’t understand the debate between creation and evolution. If god cared about HOW he created things he would have dedicated more than one chapter of the bible to it. He said “ok i made the universe now listen to the important stuff….LOVE”. David if you ever need to talk about it email me.
there should be more of us evolutionists on this planet. its the only way the human race will ever survive.
Fuckin ay!! good man!!
I’m not sure if you’re being serious about #6, but there is a reason he is so far behind in the polls. Its because he’s a racist anarchist retard.
A man after my own heart. Thank you sir, I most definitely needed that.
Dude, this is excellent. Your wit is sharp and your logic is irrefutably hilarious. I am bookmarking your site for frequent visits in the not too distant future. Good work
Yessir, nothing like the threat of being burned alive forever to scare sheeple into believing whatever the hell you want. They tend to be much more willing to do whatever you want at that point, like hmm, blowing themselves up for God and country. “Do as I say without questions or Burn for all eternity! Remember, I love you.”
Hey nice try but this is a crap article. Leave the logic to the logical.
Alcohol is the leading cause of alcohol related deaths? Who knew!
Glad there are others out there willing to poke fun at the stupidity of religion. Keep it up.
I’ll see you in hell, we’ll get lunch
I agree with you wholeheartedly, but ask that you consider the plight of those who cannot cope in their lives without the hope that their own chosen religion presumably gives them.
At the end of the day we are easily able to ignore anyone who attempts to direct us into accepting their beliefs (this applies equally to this post of mine).
We should only become concerned when others threaten to force us into believing whatever they believe.
PS There is no Satan or Hell either!
[…] […]
Good read, I like the intersplicing of humor, and solid arguments. Keeps people on their toes!
I totally agree with you, I don’t know how many times I have had a girl scout come to the door and she did not have any thin mints….ALL I WANT ARE SOME GOD DAMNED THIN MINTS!!!
hey…u r grt man..finally i got someone to say exactly what i felt like sayn sll this time..cool stuff bro..like it…hope more ppl sees the light of knowlegde versus blind faith after this..keep it coming
You are awesome. And so right.
i don’t agree with you (as a christian), but you’re freakin’ funny. and ron paul as co-god? that would ROCK.
Actually, logic regularly leads my dog away from the warm stove. You see she knows that by about the third time of asking her she’s getting a flying lesson to the couch away from the stove. Thus the second time she is instructed to leave she slowly turns and walks off.
Logic: 1
Religion: 0
I Gotta hand it to ya. Those are good points. I use the blind faith one myself.
Everything listed here is correct except the one about Ron Paul. If he’s behind in the polls then perhaps there is a small glimpse of hope that a higher deity may exist to spare us from the wrath of a lunatic libertarian.
Oh this was fucking awesome! Subscribed.
I think you’re giving too much credit to creationism in point 4. We, nor anything else in ‘creation’, is perfect. The design of our backbones gives us hernias, we can easily choke because of the design of our throat, our metabolisms are all over the place, we have allergies, our brains are bad at staying concentrated and remembering stuff accurately. The list goes on. We are very far from perfect.
good stuff
Since when do logic and religion contradict each other?
Pro-pot, anti-Hillary, pro-Ron Paul, anti-religion…. Especially on the internet - give people the freedom to become anyone they want to be and they will imitate each other.
Nicely said!
no lighting, right
awesome post. Where can I find a high quality version of that pic of the reaper on #10?
Let me say first that I was raised Christian, then stopped believing in God for a while for many of the same reasons you have above. But then I realized one thing I think you have yet to realize: as smart as you are, IF there is a god he is most likely infinitely smarter and complex than yours or my brain can handle. If he wanted to present a world where there was basically no logical reason to think there was a god, he would. Nowadays I THINK there is a god, based on the sheer improbability of our universe existing in such a way that I came to being just based upon chance. I guess I mean that I think there’s a better chance than not that there is a god; any article on evolution or the universe that mentions the odds of this or that happening always have the odds of what actually happened as ’slim to none’. Using ol’ Occam’s razor, I think it is more likely that there is something guiding our creation that I cannot comprehend than the idea that we just came into being based on the infinitesimally small chance that this is all just a ‘random’ freak occurrence. I would HOPE that this god is a ‘good’ god, and that if I act nice I may get something out of it. But I also act ‘nice’ though because I think I will be happier in the long run based on my genetic makeup and how the world works around me. I would act nice even if I thought there was no god. I do not think that god HAS to be good; he could be a jerk for all I know.
Hope this helps, ‘god’ bless
i agree with you. maybe some will wake up and reject this poison that has been tainting our lives
I quite like a quote from Douglas Adams the writer of the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy etc., when he said “I appreciate the glory of the garden without seeking fairies at the bottom of it”:
Oh, wow, thanks, Scott. That was witty and convincing. Now that you’ve scared him with hell, he’s sure to convert any time now.
Top 10 Reasons to Believe Logic Over Religion | Deliggit.com
dailygarlic.com
An atheist\’s point of view.
Nai-eve. Get real. I point you to Arachaea, aka A
All of your words are fact.
You wouldn’t want to go to Heaven anyways. It’s pretty much the definition of a shame. They only sport is curling!!!!
This is your warning
-Dead Jesus
WELL SAID!!! look at this:
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2331213
I agree with you so much David.
These nutjobs are willing to believe in something they cannot prove, all the way until they actually die. If this ‘greater being’ is so great, why the heck won’t it show it’s face.
I have a box, it has nothing in it, but any God is welcome to magic something into it to prove that creationism is right. So far, nothing has appeared in this box.
I have no problem with others believing, but I hate it when religious asshats try and press their own views onto you.
Yes, the Argument of Personal Incredulity is soooo retarded…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argument_from_ignorance#Argument_from_personal_incredulity
And Scott, why don’t you do us all a favor and take that little trip to heaven you’ve been planning a little early.
In fact one might argue that free will is possible even when God knows what we will do. He is often given the attribute of transcendence. In other word space and time do not bind Him in the same way the bind us. For example I could go into the future to see what you will do then come back to the present. Knowledge of your decision will not affect your free will. Hence, he can see what we are going to do with out influencing our judgment. Nice article though.
so no intelligent design huh?
and you have no problem with your ancestors of a lump of pond scum?
Wow - your ability to reason is far exceeded by your arrogance in doing so. If I had a few hours, I could have a field day with all the fallacies you’ve fallen for and are asking others to fall for.
If you’re going to claim the “logical” high ground, I suggest you start by understanding logic.
I do have time for few of the low-hanging fruit, however.
1) Yours is the classic argument from ignorance - since the conclusion “God exists” has not been proven true, it must be false. Right? Wrong. (The converse isn’t true, either). Face it: you CANNOT KNOW for a certainty whether God exists or not. Each person gets to choose whether to believe or not.
Deep thinkers might even conclude: “IF God exists and created this earth, he must have ordained it to be that way - that each person has freedom to believe what they choose,” and then ask themselves “Why might God set it up that way?”
2) Your ability to start with a false premise and use proper reasoning to nonetheless reach an invalid conclusion is quite impressive. But just as wrong as if you had started with a true premise and used invalid reasoning, as do the straw man religious arguments you refute.
3) Your ability to construct straw man arguments would be impressive, but it’s so obvious that’s what you’re doing that only someone anxious to believe what you’re saying anyway would be swayed (or should I say “fooled”).
4) You beg the question a lot, too.
5) You’ve created a false dichotomy - you’ve cited a non-exclusive set of possibilities as exclusive.
6) Lots of ad-hominem attacks there, my angry friend. What are you so mad about?
7) The whopper, though, is how you lumped everyone who believes in God into one category (”religion”) and then dismissed them all with straw man arguments as if the entire group of God-believers all believe every single one of the straw man arguments you’ve constructed. That’s called “division,” i.e. stereotyping.
Good luck in reconstructing your world view according to REAL logic and not just what you imagine logic to be…
Dave Whittle
Author of “Cyberspace: The Human Dimension,” which contains (you guessed it) an entire chapter section on logic because I knew how rampant but deceptive poor logic can be…
I’ve been asked to prove the existence of God many times in my life. I can’t. I will however respond to you the same way I do the others: Prove that He doesn’t exist.
I was interested until you started making what you must call jokes about the current political state and how much “better for you” pot is than alchol (psst… it ISNT). An arguement shouldn’t deviate from the original topic and sarcasm doesnt prove a point. I think you went off course because there aren’t 10 reasons to believe logic over religion. You should and have the right to believe in both. The way Religion is practiced is a joke don’t get me wrong but alot of the “non believers” seem to love the smell of their own shit too claiming that they’re almost of a “higher power”. Stop being so smug.
Very insightful and many good points. I’ve always said that if I can’t see it or touch it, then it can’t exist. I’ve always followed logic and science and disregarded religion as a mental disability, like being a delusional psychotic or bipolar or schizophrenic. Religion just doesn’t work. Thank you for a good read.
Logically, you’re just a spec of stardust, so you might as well get it over with and jump off a bridge.
I’m kidding. Someday you’ll stop and wonder “is this all there is?”. Then you might understand what religion is about.
Hey David, it is a lot easier to believe that we were created by God and not just the product of a bunch cosmic dust and gases randomly coming together. It’s obvious you have an open mind so, why not open it to the Lord? It’s human nature to want proof of everything, but it’s foolish to try and understand why God does things the way he does. He does not owe us an explanation. That’s where faith comes in.
True, bad things do happen a lot to good people, but it’s usually because God wants us to learn something and ultimately be closer with Him.
God loves all of us and wants us to be happy. He does provide miracles everyday to those who believe and ask for them. But, understand this: God created us for His pleasure and purpose only. All too often we ask God to do things for us, but we never want to do things for Him or live by His rules. God is not a genie available for our own whimsical desires.
We try to interpret God’s Word in the Bible to fit our lifestyles instead using it as a guide by which to live our lives for Him.
Just remember, it was man’s sin that separated God from us. That’s why it’s up to us to use the free will God gave us to go back to Him. But, we need to make the first move. God is good, and he has given us a way back to Him through Jesus. But, we must ask for it.
There is a book you should get. It’s called, “The Purpose Driven Life - What on Earth Am I Here For?” written by Rick Warren.
God bless you.
Eh, you stole this line from Robin Williams:
“That has got to be the lowest thing.. promising pussy in the after life for accepting their religion.”
Also, ever since atheism went ‘mainstream’ in the media last year or so (with the Hitchens and Dawkins books came out) there’s been a lot of articles like yours on the net.
Basically, this article adopts Hitchens and Dawkins caustic tone, but without any new insight and a few bad jokes thrown in. You’re just repeating what they (and Robin Williams) said.
And it’s not like I disagree w/ the thesis, I’m atheist. But this article is just unoriginal and it reads like a college freshman who thinks he’s blowing the world’s mind when he’s just repeating things he read and presenting them as his own ideas.
Scott,
Did you stop to think that perhaps he (David) doesn’t believe in hell? Just because you believe in it doesn’t make it so. Perhaps you didn’t fully read the article.
I beielve there is a God and I totally agree with you, you are free to believe what you want and I am not going to try to force you to be or think like me. I do not agree with your comment on freewill. Just because my wife knows in advanc that I am going to leave the toliet seat up after I pee doesn’t mean that I didn’t have the free will to leave it up:).
Ah for the wonders of blind faith and ignorant judgments.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
If God can “just be” then why can matter “just be”
“The idea . . . is ridiculous, and it’s time someone said it.”
I’m pretty sure that’s what Richard Dawkins said in the first chapter of The Blind Watchmaker 20 years ago.
Well put, I pat you on the back for this article.I’d also like to say fuck scott and bipolar2, they lack the intelligence to understand this like 90% of the rest of the world.
I can totally tell you and I have the same views on almost everything (which as you know is extremely rare). Your logic is the same logic I use. Weed is better than alcohol for numerous reasons. I hate hillary. Ron Paul is the future we’re turning down. Oh…I wanted to add to the blind faith. The only logical answer (assuming we’re believers), is that God is fucking with you. I mean, if you need faith as your ticket into the pearly gates, he’s testing you…TESTING you. If we’re his creation, why would we be testest? He’s fucking with us like we’re tiny ants in an ant farm…letting rape and murders and unthinkable actions continue. It’s absurd to say God heals, God saves, etc. I like your logic…100 yr life span for ETERNITY. Please. 100 years as a mortal is not even a blink of an eye, it’s less than a fraction of a second…and God would decide whether we live with him or burn in hell for ETERNITY based on this life. We should treat others well because we want to be treated well, no need for a crutch. Anyhow, we should toss back and forth some other ideas. Shoot me an email. Thanks for the great read.
As your post will probably generate a ton of negative comments, I’d be happy to agree with you. I’ve often found myself asking many of the same questions. Perhaps somewhere along people just made this shit up to explain everything they didn’t have a clear-cut answer for? Maybe religion is nothing more than some simple guidlines for society to live by.
Remember the game you play in kindergarten where you come up with a phrase and you whisper it the next persons ear. By the time it goes around the room, it barely resembles the original phase? Now multiply that by thousands of years and you have (insert name of your favorite religious text here).
Just my two cents…can I have one of those little fans too?
To quote Herman Melville (author of Moby Dick among other books):”Methinks that in looking at things spiritual, we are too much like oysters observing the sun through the water, and thinking that thick water the thinnest of air.”
we cannot disprove the existence of a higher power because we’re human, and our insight into the world is extremely limited.
Whatever anyone below writes putting you down, they must be religious. Only religion fires hatred if you don’t believe.
give your head a shake scott
72 virgins? What do they know? Give me 72 experienced hot bi chicks any day!
Revelations says you only go to heaven if you are judged worthy according to your entry in the book of life. That happens on judgement day, not when you die. So what happens in between? Is it the longest queue for a nightclub ever? When you get to the front the doorman tells you ok or sorry we don’t serve your kind here - and you go to the place that accepts anyone (which is probably where my friends are anyway).
One last comment - since when did the ability to memorize a book make anyone more right than someone else?
Awesome post! I really enjoyed it!
I am a Christian, but I must admit, on some of your cases I agree with you. However, I do disagree with you on several points. (1) I know there are billions of other planets out there, but only a select few support the ideal conditions for human life. If the Earth were just a little bit closer or farther from the sun, all life was we know it would cease to exist. Other things can live in other conditions, butt at least in our planets, we failed to find any life whatsoever. Earth is a special and unique place, and I believe that God made it this way for a reason. (2) God gave us free will, and even he doesn’t know everything that we’re going to do. In Genesis, I doubt he could have predicted that Adam and Eve would disobey and eat the forbidden fruit. (3) I don’t see how manmade politics have anything to do with religion and God’s existence. (4) I believe that creationism and evolution go hand-in-hand with eachother. God had the idea for people, and he used evolution to shape us to how he wanted us to be. I don’t believe God could just make things appear so he needs lots of time to evolve things to his ideal. (5) This may be overused, but God lives beyond time and space. Time as we know it has no relationship to God. I believe that God was always there, but our concept of “always,” and “forever” are different with God. (6) Again, manmade institutions have nothing to do with God. (7) God doesn’t want drunk driving and unnecessary death. But God doesn’t have the power to directly interfere with people, so he can’t really make that rule. (8) As I said, God cannot directly interfere with people because he gave us free will. When he first created man, he made laws which he himself couldn’t disobey- some of which were not interfering with people. He wanted man to be his children, NOT his robots. (9) I agree. People who follow faith blindly are idiots. (10) If you live a good live by serving others, you will be rewarded for that. Again, time in spiritual world is different than time on earth so your logic is flawed. Anyway, it is an interesting article that made me think.
Ron Paul is a leading theocrat who has called the separation of church and state “a myth”, who has inserted a clause into his perennially reintroduced “Sanctity of Life Act” that would bar citizens from petitioning the Supreme Court when the Executive Branch violates the First Amendment of the US Constitution, who supports favored tax status for Churches over other religious institutions, and who, contrary to rhetoric, does not oppose government funding of social programs - only social programs that are based on post-Inquisition science. For example, while voting against federal funding for birth control education, he voted in favor of federal funding for abstinence education - in the same year.
Do yourself a favor before you sound off so smugly - educate yourself about the things you sound off about.
I am an atheist because I’ve done my homework, not because it happens to be hip at the moment. When you tout the value of charlatans, you undermine your entire message.
omg this has got to be the best blogi have ever read
so so true im wih you 1010 percent on this
Beautiful. No anger from me, just respect.
Regardless of what anyone believes, it important they understand that unless whatever power did whatever to whomever, that nobody really knows what the f*ck is going on anyway.
Nicely done.
although normally i look for a more formal, serious register in the things i read on this subject, the humor and casual register were a welcomed break from that kind of reading.
very well written.
additionally, bipolar2’s quote basically says “I’m more comfortable thinking that I have a big guy in the sky watching my back and keeping me from having to accept responsibility for my actions, so i will choose not to accept the proven, and obvious truth” and Scott is just as asshole. i don’t understand why these guys can’t just be civil and present some reasons why they’re right instead of wildly throwing threats at us for trying to discover the truth…
Man created God in his own image.(Religion)
God created man in His own image. (Relationship)
If logic (you) can explain/refute God, then YOU must be God.
Hey, David I agree on almost every point. Have you ever tried explaining point 2 to a Christian? There’s an uncomfortable silence for a while and then you never talk again.
Please do point out the exact portion of text in the Quran that promises anything about any virgins in the afterlife… that was the weakest point of your entire arguement. You just base your shit off the bullshit everyone wants you to believe in. There is no such thin in Islam.
Ahh… logic, that amazing thing that every religious leader in history and present fears most. Nothing provides more conversions than logic. Whether it be logically deducing that God cannot exist, or deciding that he probably doesn’t due to a certain event (eg. your dog dying after being hit by a car, despite your fervent prayers to the contrary).
yo im a big believer in my Lord Jesus, but im a very open minded person and i have mad respect for everything that you got on here. i completely agree with you that people shouldnt just believe whatever theyre told without doing their homework, basically. you obviously did your homework and the way you choose to live works for you. as a spiritual person or Godly person or religious person, i think thats all that God or whatever the Higher being is wants me to want.. people to be happy. good shit bro.
Your right that everyone should have their own point of view and freedom to believe in whatever they choose, that’s the beauty of free will.
But as a Christian, you can’t fault us for trying. If you saw your friend on the train tracks in front of a speeding locomotive wouldn’t you shout for them to get out of the way. That’s all we’re doing. We’re shouting because we care, because we want to share a joy that cannot be explained or rationalized. We can’t help it if you choose not to believe in trains.
Personally I can’t dispute your logic in where God comes from, I’ll ask when I get the chance. I do believe He exists and is the Mover. The law of inertia tells us that an object in motion tends to stay in motion and that an object at rest will stay at rest unless influenced. The Big Band may have happened, but it didn’t go boom without a little help.
My short message isn’t going to change your mind. But hopefully it will give someone pause to reconsider what is possible. For all things are possible through Jesus.
Besides, where is the downside. Say you live the Christian lifestyle; you believe and accepted Jesus, you follow the ten commandments and do your best not to sin.
If we are right you die and go to heaven and live for eternity in peace (it scares me when I say it because it seems unlikely to me too, but you gotta have faith).
If we are wrong, then we die and there is nothing…infinite black (this scares me more).
On the down side, and you don’t believe in Jesus or God when you die, you spend eternity in hell. The bible says that hell is worst than mankind can even imagine. Can you believe that? We’ve imagined some pretty horrific things in our time. Even if you simply imagine burning alive for eternity, as horrible as that sounds, it doesn’t come close.
Like I said, your free to believe in what you want. But if I’m wrong I’ve lost nothing and led a good life. If your wrong… well I honestly hope your not wrong.
-Ryyson
Hmmm . . .
@ scott: blablabla, where in the frkn bible does anything stand about hell??? talking big about beeing a christian but not having a frkn clue what its all about. anyhow . . .
@ David: well some points are good, others are bit strange or even not valid. i find it a pitty that you let your article sound like one stupid joke. somehow it destroys your credibility and the credibility of all the arguments you present although some arguments are good and by the way well known. i hope you will consider this writing your next post because a clear mind and good thoughts are too valuable to be presented in such a way that nobody will take them serious.
[…] you believe in God or not, it’s entertaining, insightful, and pretty smart. Check it out here. Finally (at least for now) is an amazingly well written story from “The Independent”. […]
Theres a lot of things there that people would argue about, but i’m not gonna start. I’m just gonna say that a little more research would’ve helped your point.
Good article, very funny, except where you say “I don’t care if you DO believe that Jesus is magic” - you should care, it’s not wrong to want people to think correctly, we need people to be smart or we’ll have a shit world.
I like how a religious argument turns into Ron Paul spam
Ahem… the renditioners are waiting in the black Suburban outside, to whisk you off to GITMO. Please bend over while they insert the butt plug and slap the Depends on - Oh, BTW you will be flying nonstop via Baghdad,