Daily GarlicDaily dose of amusement and humor.

Michael Bluth Quotes

Lindsay: I’ve always been very passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?
Michael: Oh, I’ll never forget your wedding.

Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you’re about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it’s a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell.
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry Zuckerkorn: That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves’.

Michael: You haven’t met my family. You should meet my family. We’re going to be having an anniversary party.
Pastor Veal: What a wonderful surprise! We would love to witness a celebration of their love.
Michael: That would be a wonderful surprise.

Buster: It’s like she gets off by being withholding.
Gob: Look whose got something to say.

Buster: I’m Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I can feel good about myself. ‘Cause I’m an uptight BLEEP BLEEP, Buster! You old horny slut!
Michael: Well, no one’s gonna top that.

Gob Quotes

Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you’re the actor who plays Marta’s brother, Tio.
Spanish actor: Como?
Gob: Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right.

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It’s the end of the line. I’m the firstborn. I’m sick of playing second fiddle. I’m always third in line for everything. I’m tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I’m mad about, and I’m taking over.

Narrator: In an effort to “hip” up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
[Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family]
Gob: [as Franklin] Can I tell you something, my man?
Gob: [as himself] Sure, Franklin.
Gob: [as Franklin] You are one cool[bleep]
Gob: . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
[the puppet ‘kisses’ Lucille]
George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard.
[strangles Franklin]
Gob: [as Franklin] What’s the matter with you?
Gob: [in the present] Franklin said some things Whitey wasn’t ready to hear.
Michael: Gob, weren’t you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn’t ready to hear either.

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh … wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let’s just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How’s that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there’s still light coming in from under the door.

GOB: [to Michael’s date] If you like the small, come back for the medium!

Gob: I’m going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen.
Michael: This is why I’m calling it a ‘witness’ and not a best man. All you gotta do is watch.
Gob: Oh I’m not going to pay that kind of money and not watch!

Lucille Quotes

Lucilee: Do you boys know how to shovel coal
Ron Howard: I don’t even want to tell you what they thought that meant.

Lucille: [to waiter] Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I’d eat the inside of your ear.

Oscar: [Oscar grabs onto the dashboard] The car.
George Sr.: Up yours Granny.
Lucille: You couldn’t handle it.

Lucille: A camcorder. That’s so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns.
Buster: I ought to point to Uncle Oscar’s Charlie Browns next time you’re on top of him, Mother.
Lucille: You see how he treats me just because he thinks I’m having an affair with the boy’s uncle?

Lucille: And that goes into storage, right? Not into your apartment.
Painter: Que?
Lucille: (to Michael) What’s Spanish for ‘I know you speak English’

George Sr. Quotes

Lucille: Did he say that? Does he miss his wife’s embrace?
George Sr.: [in a flashback] Daddy horny, Michael.
Michael: He said some wonderful things.
Michael: Hey, so what’s going on with the fund raiser?
George Sr.: Well, I don’t think the Home Builders Organization is going to be supporting us.
Michael: Yeah, the HBO’s not gonna want us. What do we do now?
George Sr.: Well, I think it’s Showtime. I think we have to put on a show during dinner.

Tobias Quotes

Lindsay: How do you think I feel? Bob Loblaw’s a handsome, professional man and I’m only used to… well, none of those things.
Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over — an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.
Lindsay: Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards.

Tobias: I must warn you, Michael, she doesn’t respond well to strict directives.
Maeby: All right.
Tobias: That was odd.
Michael: Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls.
Michael holds up GIRLS WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM tape.
Michael: Is this what you want?
Tobias: Oh, God, no.
Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed.
Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don’t want this for Maeby either.

Tobias: Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.

Tobias: [footage of Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on] Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

Tobias: “Well, it looks like I’ve prematurely shot my wad, on what was supposed to be a dry run… and now it seems like I’ve got a bit of a mess on my hands.”
Michael: “There’s just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.”

Tobias:”I just blued myself”.

Tobias: Oh, come on. Don’t leave your uncle T-bag hanging.
George Michael: Please don’t call yourself that.

Buster Quotes

Lucille: We could have dealt with this earlier, but Michael’s been too busy with his ‘english muffin’ [referring to Rita]
Gob: Typical
Buster: Delicious..

Buster: Well if you don’t want her, you don’t want me either. She’s taking care of me. She glued my thumb back on! Sister’s my new mother, mother - and is it just me or is she getting hotter too?
Lucille: Well why don’t you marry her!?
Buster: Maybe I will!
Michael: We’re veering away from relatability again..

Last Lines From The Show..

Narrator/Ron Howard: And Maeby pitches her family story idea to a Hollywood icon who says:
Ron Howard: No, I just don’t see it as a TV series. Maybe a movie?

Hill Valley, nestled in Northern California, wasn’t always the most tolerant society in the nation. Though it could be considered a peaceful and quiet town, despite the occasional lightning storm and manure spill, Hill Valley was traditionally run by old white men- just like all cities in the country at the time. It took a brave soda shop employee to flip the city’s, and indeed the nation’s, whole political structure on its head.

Goldie Wilson recalls working for Mr. Carruthers who assured him that a “colored” [sic] mayor wouldn’t be likely in the near future. Many townspeople thought the same thing, and it took Goldie’s persistence and courage to win over a skeptical, and somewhat racist, voting populous.

Now, seeing his former political career mirrored by a young black man trying to lead a mass of voters peppered with hate, fear and misinformation Goldie Wilson offers his official endorsement to Barrack Obama for his 2008 presidential campaign.

“I don’t recall the face of the young man who first inspired me to be something,” Wilson said in a recent interview. “I don’t recall if he was white. I don’t recall if he was black. I just know that if you ever get the chance to talk to a member of our fine Coast Guard, he probably has some valuable advice.”

Other notable Hill Valley natives like Doctor Emmett Brown and successful Science Fiction author George McFly have followed Wilson by endorsing Obama. When Wilson was asked for a comment regarding the fact that there has never been a non-white president he simply replied, “History is about to change.”

About the Author:

BadWithComputer is a hopeless Internet addict with too much time on his hands. His favorite films include Goodfellas, Hackers and Caddyshack. His late night snack of choice is chicken fingers with chocolate milk.

So you’re excited about the big election, but you don’t really know anything about democracy?  There’s a whole lot of information online regarding our government, how it works and what an election entails.  We learn a little bit about this in school, but the real education is up to you.  History has taught us to learn, form an educated opinion and vote!